Boy
canoeing is a lot harder than I thought it was, and it's cold, too. I learned the different strokes pretty quick,
but it's hard to work as a team sometimes.
I sat in the front and Kathy sat in the back, which meant she was in
charge of steering. My job was to help
her steer by using either a Sweep stroke or a Draw stroke, which turns the
front of the canoe while she handles the back of the canoe. It took a little while for us to work
together and we kept hitting one side of the river, then the other side. It can be very frustrating, but we finally
got it together. We canoed for about 5
hours to get to where we would camp for the night and I was sure glad to stop
paddling. Luckily, we didn't tip at all,
which is real good, 'cause it sure is cold.
I'm real glad I've got a warm sleeping bag; I'm laying in it right now
while I write. We'll be canoeing again
tomorrow for another 5 hours, then we'll head home. I'm gonna go sit by the fire and toast some
marshmallows with Kathy now. Bye.
I
had the strangest dream last night about Karen.
She had all her hair back and looked so strong and healthy I couldn't
believe it. I asked her what happened,
did the garden finally work? She just
smiled at me and waved hi so I waved hi back and then I woke up. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the dream came
true and Karen was all better when I got home?
Now I wish the canoeing trip was over so I could get home to see
her. First I've got to pack up and head
out in the canoe, so away you go Journal, back in to your plastic bag
again. I'll write when I get home and
let you know how Karen's doing. Bye.
She's
dead! Karen's dead, she's gone! My best friend and my best sister left
me! I didn't even get to say goodbye to
her. The dream, in the dream she must
have been waving goodbye and I didn't even know it. I thought I'd see her when I got home but now
I'll never, ever get to see her again.
What am I supposed to do? Why
couldn't she take me with her? Now I'm
all alone and my heart is breaking. I
just want to die. My parents are trying
to make me feel better and told me that Karen lifted her arms up in the air and
called to Jesus when she died. They say
she's in Heaven now, but I didn't want her to go. Not if I can't go with her. Why did I go away? I'm never gonna go Trick or Treating again,
not ever. I should have stayed
home. I never should have left. It's my fault; I know it's my fault. I don't think she would have died if I was
home. Why, oh why, did I go away? I want to scream at the top of my lungs for
Karen to come back, but I can't even talk.
Breathing hurts so bad, I can't even cry. I can't write anymore.
We
buried my sister today. There were three
days and two nights of viewings. So many
people wanted to come say goodbye to Karen we couldn't have the funeral service
at Damiano's Funeral Home 'cause it was just too small, only the viewings were
held there. Then they drove Karen's body
to St. Luke's church for the goodbye service by Rev. Jobe. The whole church was filled with all the
people who loved her, but nobody loved her as much as I did. It was so hard to be at the viewings and
funeral watching people talking and smiling, like everything was okay and
nothing was okay. I wanted to do
something, anything to make them all realize that the world was never going to
be okay again. Why didn't they know
that? Karen was buried in her favorite
La La La dress and wig, so how could anything ever be okay again? I just want to go to sleep and never wake up
again. All I want to do is to dream
about Karen so I can see her again. Then
I can ask her to come take me with her, 'cause I don't want to be here anymore
without her. I'm gonna go to sleep in my
lonely room now and pray that I don't wake up.
No comments:
Post a Comment