Mud, Muck & Mire - it's where the Lotus Flower grows!

I had a wonderful visit with Lisa @ Jalama Beach. She made a most wonderful lunch of her fantastic chicken tenders, Indian Frye Bread (My favorite!) Pickles was glad to see me, too! Poor Pongo, I gave him his pill for car-sickness, but he had ended up throwing-up in the front seat on his blanket! It wasn't too bad and it certainly wasn't his fault. I brought him into the RV with Pickles while I cleaned up the mess. I was going to do laundry anyway, so I rinsed the vomit off and put it in the washing machine with the other stuff.

Lisa had cleaned the area that was used as break area where the washer and dryer were located. Lisa expressed delight with some new additions to the area; a large table surrounded by chairs; a T.V. and a mess of video tapes and DVD's. She said it didn't used to look so good; but I remembered and told her, "Hey, you were the one who started the change, now other's have joined you!" 

Both Lisa and I recognized that we are on a great adventure and we both were exactly where we both were supposed to be! It was time for us, separately,to be in solitude - it was like we were in cocoons awaiting rebirth as a butterfly - it was all good!

When I got back home, walking Pongo after the ride home, I saw something that kinda struck a cord inside me; flowers growing in a barren spot!

Isn't it amazing how flowers can grow in such a place! Then I remembered the Lotus Flower. Something so beautiful that grows in mud, muck and mire. I'm thinking that all my experiences as a child were my mud, muck and mire - now we'll see how beautiful I will grow!

Here's some more of my story:

9-6-73 Thursday

Choir practice starts today!  I really like choir rehearsal. I think Mrs. Mount is the best choir director ever.  She's got some new music for us to start practicing and today, she played Batman for us on the pipe organ!  It was so cool; I wish Karen could have been there.  Everyone asked how Karen was doing and I told them that she should be coming home from the hospital tomorrow.  Evie was very concerned and told me she would pray for Karen and she gave me a quick hug.  Evie was the daughter of Mrs. Hoplock, our wonderful opera singer.  Evie has really beautiful, long red hair.  She and her brother, Bobby, had been in choir with us for a couple of years now.  Bobby always reminded me of Willie on Little House on the Prairie, but he wasn't so much of a brat as Willie was.  They both went to different schools then we did, so I only got to see them at church.  I wish Evie and I could be better friends, she doesn't act stupid like most girls do, but I don't think it can really happen if we only see each other in church.  In church, no ones supposed to talk or play around, so it's hard.  She lives in Eatontown, so it would be impossible for me to walk to her house.  Oh well, it's probably for the best.  If Evie ever came to my neighborhood to visit, God knows what might happen to her.  It was hard to bring friends over when you knew that they would be in danger from Pedro or Roger; what kinda friend would do that?  Karen's my best friend and that'll have to be enough. 

 9/10/73 Monday

Miss Silberman is a great teacher!  She understands how much I love books and is very encouraging to me.  I just started reading about Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan.  It's truly an amazing story.  I hope one day I have a teacher like Anne Sullivan - she really took good care of Helen and taught her just about everything.  I'm going to write a book report about it.  Miss Silberman said she will be testing me sometime in the future, but for now, I'm in the highest reading group.  I love it 'cause we can work at our own pace so now I can read as fast as I want.  I've already read most of the books in the school library so I'm looking forward to more of the books Miss Silberman recommends.

Karen met her tutor today, her name is Miss Gail and Karen likes her just fine.  I got to see Miss Gail, but they were doing school work so I couldn't bother them.  Grandma sent me home but said I could come back later.  At least Karen looks better, even though she's completely bald now. She hardly ever wears her wig at home; she says it itches too much.

When I got home, mom was starting to put dinner together 'cause dad's always hungry when he gets home from work, so I offered to help.  We talked about the big tennis match coming up in about a week or so.  It was being called the Battle of the Sexes.  Billie Jean King was going to be playing Bobby Riggs in a tennis match.  Bobby Riggs says that any man can beat any woman in the world 'cause men are so much better.  Mom told me that even dad, who doesn't ever watch tennis, believes that Bobby is right.  Mom said she couldn't wait until Billie Jean wiped up the court with Bobby Riggs, I had to agree.  We're all going to watch the tennis match together, even dad.  I hope Billie Jean does win; she's a great female athlete, which is exactly what I want to be some day.  Well, I'll let you know what happens with the match.  Bye for now.

9-20-73 Thursday

Billie Jean beat the pants off Bobby Riggs!  3 straight sets.  Mom and I were just screaming and dancing around so much, dad had to laugh.  To think that Bobby Riggs, an old man, could beat Billie Jean King was laughable and I'm so glad the whole world got to see it.  I loved it when she handed him that little pig before the match, 'cause he sure is a pig - a male chauvinistic pig.  At least he had the decency to jump over the net to congratulate Billie Jean.  I sure hope that since a woman won the Battle of the Sexes, maybe things will change for female athletes.  I sure hope so.  Right now the only sports women can make any money in is tennis and bowling, and you've pretty much got to start tennis at, like 6 years old to have any chance of winning.  I'm not a bad bowler, but I don't think I'm good enough to turn pro, maybe mommy, not me.  I hope maybe I can get a scholarship from playing softball, I just don't know if there are any scholarships for female athletes.  It's real tough being a girl!  I'm glad that there are such strong women like Billie Jean King, Anne Sullivan, and Helen Keller in books and on TV.  They give me something to believe in, to aspire to.  If I have to be a girl, then I want to be a very strong girl.  One that doesn't need any man just to take care of her.  All I want is to take care of myself and my sister, that's it, real simple.  It's too late for me to go see Karen tonight, so I'll see her right after school tomorrow to tell her that Billie Jean King is the winner!

 10-15-73 Monday

Today Miss Silberman tested my reading comprehension and I thought it was fun.  I won't know how I did until Friday, but I don't think it really matters to my grade, she just wanted to test me.

Did you know that Helen Keller wrote her own books?  She went to college and Teacher went with her.  Helen had to learn a new language to get in to college, which is pretty funny since she was  blind, deaf and for a good part of her life, mute, but she had to do it anyway and she did.  I also found out that Teacher, Anne Sullivan-Macy even got married and she still lived with Helen and took care of her!  I really love reading about strong women!  Grandma is a really strong woman, I mean, she lived with Pop! But mom is not really that strong.  Karen sure is strong, but I don't feel too strong at all.  I'm gonna have to work real hard to get strong, maybe then Karen won't have to be so strong anymore.  I'm gonna start praying real hard to be strong enough to save Karen, somehow.  Well, I'm gonna start working out so I can get REAL STRONG!  Bye for now.

  

10/19/73 Friday

Miss Silberman said that my reading comprehension is beyond college level!  I think that's pretty good.  Then she gave me a book that she read when she was a little girl like me.  She said it was another story about a strong woman named Nellie Bly and it was one of her favorite books.  I took it home and started reading it right away, I'm almost done but I took a break to write a little.  Nellie Bly was the first female investigative reporter in the world!  The only things that women could write for the paper was recipes and fashion; Nellie wouldn't have any of that!  Her real name was Suzanne but her family wouldn't let her use her real name because they were too embarrassed, can you imagine?  Suzanne took the name Nellie Bly from a song of the day and after working for a small hometown newspaper, she decided to head to New York.  She just sat in The World Newspaper office until Mr. Pulitzer would see her.  Nellie Bly became the first reporter to go undercover to get the real story.  She even got herself committed to Blackwell Island to prove that many female immigrants were being locked up in an insane asylums just because they couldn't speak the English language.  Nellie Bly also went around world in less than 80 days!  I can't wait to read what she does next.  The more I read about, the more I want to do!  I always wanted to be a writer, maybe I can write for a newspaper like Nellie Bly did.  Who knows?  I think that Billie Jean King winning the Battle of the Sexes is letting us girls change some of the rules.  I know I want the rules changed!  I think I can do almost anything a boy can do.  I know if I was a boy, I would never hurt little girls, not ever.  I asked mom today what my name would have been, if I were a boy and she told me it would have been William.  I thought that was pretty cool 'cause Will was the name of the boy on Lost in Space.  I wouldn't mind being Lost in Space, but I can't, I'm still Lost being a Girl.  I wonder if life makes more sense when you become a grown-up?  I sure hope so.  I'm gonna finish the book now, I'll write again later.

10/31/73 Wednesday

Happy Halloween!  Today I dressed up like a hobo and Karen was a beautiful princess.  She felt good enough to go Trick or Treating with us and we had a lot of fun.  Mom went with us and we walked only to houses in our neighborhood; that way we would be safe, mom said.  I'm not a big nut over candy, neither is Karen, but we had fun anyway.  Mom put all the candy together in a big bowl, that way we all share. 

I'm reading the last book in the Chronicles of Narnia, The Last Battle.  It's real cool, but strange too.  It starts out with a mean ape picking on a sad little donkey.  The ape makes the donkey wear an old lion skin they found and pretend to be Aslan!  The ape never let anyone get a close look at his fake lion, but he convinced everyone that 'Aslan' had come back and that 'Aslan' was mad at everyone.  There were times when I thought God was mad at me and that's why so many bad things happened to me, but reading this story is showing me that God would never truly be mean.  That's what people do, never God.  This world can be really confusing sometimes and that makes it hard to understand what is really going on.  Like what does it mean that Pop used to be so bad and now he's being nice?  Karen has always been a good sister and friend and now she's sick all the time, why?  Where is God when Roger is dislocating my arm, dragging me into Pedro's house?  I have so many questions and I don't have any answers.  I'm gonna finish reading that book tonight.  I'll let you know if I figure anything out.  Bye.

   

11-1-73 Thursday

Today is known as All Saints Day, I'm not quite sure what that means exactly, I think it's a Catholic holiday.  We don't have saints in the Methodist church, but our church is called Saint Luke's, how's that for confusing?!?  I finished The Last Battle and I really loved the ending; everyone died and went to Heaven together.  Everyone was there from all the stories, the very first King of Narnia and Reepicheep, the only mouse I'll ever like.  It was complete paradise, which is just what Heaven should be! I thought the most important part of the story was what happened with the dwarfs. You see, there was a stable in Narnia that had held the fake 'Aslan'. It was outside this stable that the Last Battle took place.  People, animals, fauns; everyone was either killed or thrown into the stable.  If you got thrown into the stable you realized it was actually the door to Heaven and if you got killed, you woke up inside the stable too.  The dwarfs were thrown in, but they couldn't see Paradise because they couldn't believe in it.  Even though there were beautiful trees filled with wonderful fruit, the dwarfs could only taste the kind of food you'd find in a stupid ole stable, like turnips and mush.  No matter how hard everyone tried to show them Paradise, the dwarfs sat in a circle all by themselves and refused to see.  "Dwarfs are for Dwarfs, you can't fool us anymore!"  they said.  What I learned from this book was the importance of faith, 'cause without it, you were blind to all the good things in life.  Karen has a lot of faith so she's gonna be my teacher.  Bye

 11-11-73 Sunday

Today the Children's Choir sang in church, but Karen didn't feel well enough to sing.  She laid down on the front pew; mom brought a pillow for her to rest her head on.   Karen just refused to miss church if she didn't have to.  After we sang our song, The Lord's Prayer, I got to sit with Karen instead of sitting with the rest of the kids in choir.  I paid real close attention to everything that Reverend Jobe was saying 'cause I want to get as much Faith as I can.  I watched Karen too, and she looked so peaceful laying there, listening.  She always closed her eyes when Rev. Jobe prayed, I know 'cause sometimes I open my eyes and look around.  After service I went up to Rev. Jobe and asked him why we always bow our head when we pray?  I know that when you speak to someone, you're supposed to look right at them.  I was told only liars don't look at people when they talk, so why weren't we looking up to God instead of hiding our eyes from Him?  Rev. Jobe said we bow our heads out of respect for God, not out of fear.  So now I know to do the same thing that Karen does, and close my eyes until Amen, but the rest of the time, I still like looking around.  We have such big, wonderful stained glass windows in church and the light coming through them can be so very beautiful, especially when the choir is singing and the organ is playing.  I can see so much light around people, especially Rev. Jobe and Karen, I just can't keep my eyes closed all the time.   I asked Karen if she could see the light around people and she told me she could see it, too!  Karen told me that she's met Jesus in her dreams and that He promised to take real good care of her.  That makes me feel a whole lot better 'cause Jesus can heal her.  I wish I remembered my dreams.  Maybe I've met Jesus too, but I just don't remember.  I'm gonna try real hard to remember my dreams and when I do, I'll tell you all about them.  I know it may sound strange, but with Karen gone so much of the time now, you (my journal) have been my 2nd best friend, and of course, books have always been my friends, too. Well, bye for now.

12-05-73 Monday

Today mom and dad had a meeting with all us kids.  We found out that grandma is going in to the hospital for surgery on her knee and there will be no one to take care of Pop.  We had to all make a choice of either having Christmas presents and having Pop stay in mine and Karen's room downstairs, or use the Christmas money to pay for a nursing home for Pop.  We all voted to pay for the nursing home for Pop instead of presents - it was the right thing to do.  Even though Pop was being nicer now, I still didn't want to give up my room to him.  Mom and dad thanked all of us kids and said they were real proud of us!  Dad said that on Thursday night he's gonna take the whole family out to Freddie's for pizza!  I think that's pretty neat 'cause I love pizza!  Dad called grandma on the phone to let her know the news.  Now she can set up her surgery.

Grandma's gonna get her knee replaced.  I didn't know that somebody could get a brand new knee, but I guess you can, 'cause that's what she's doing.  I think she'll be in the hospital for a couple of weeks recuperating and will be able to walk again after the new year.  I'm sure glad she's not losing her legs like Pop did.  She's the one who takes care of Karen, she needs her legs! 

For a long time, grandma and I didn't get along, but we're starting to get along much better now that Pop's lost his legs.  Grandma loves to read even more than mommy does, and she shares her books with me, even reads to me; so we have a lot to talk about.  Grandma's becoming good friends with Karen's tutor, Miss Gail.  I think that's a good idea since Miss Gail is with Karen so much of the time during the week.  I like Miss Gail.  She's very nice and real smart.  Grandma told me she was Jewish and celebrated Chanukah, not Christmas.  I don't know much about Chanukah, but I do know that Miss Gail and grandma talk a lot about God together, so whatever it is, it can't be bad.  I'll have to remember to ask Miss Gail about it.  Well, gotta go.  Bye.

12-27-73 Thursday

Today is the last day of Chanukah.  Miss Gail told me that it is a holiday in remembrance of a Temple light that burned for eight days on one day's supply of oil.  They have a menorah that holds eight candles, each day a new candle is lit and a present is given.  I think it's a neat idea to remember and celebrate miracles whenever they happen, like the miracle of Pop changing.  I know I celebrated that day and I'll sure never forget it either!  Miss Gail even went to the hospital to see grandma during her recovery from surgery.  Grandma says that Miss Gail is a very faithful woman and grandma bought her a Chanukah card and a little present.  Grandma is home from the hospital now and I've been helping her take care of Karen.  It's nice to just sit and talk with both Karen and grandma.  I asked grandma what the difference between being Jewish and being Methodist was.  She told me that Jewish people believe Jesus lived, but they don't believe he was the Messiah and Methodist's believe that Jesus is the Messiah.  She said that was the biggest difference. She said that Jews believe in God, the old Testament in the Bible and The Golden Rule.  She told me never to think badly of Jewish people, they are good God-fearing people.  Then grandma laughed and said we're not Jewish, we're Protestants. Grandma said it was our job to protest.  Karen asked her what we were protesting about? Grandma said we must always protest against lies, hate, ignorance and prejudice.  Grandma said to never judge a book by it's cover.  Boy, I sure do understand that.  I found some really old books with the covers falling off that looked kinda nasty, but inside were the best science fiction stories I've ever read by a guy named Isaac something or other.  Me and Karen knew grandma was right, 'cause most of the adults think Pedro is nice since he looks nice, but we knew better.  So I already know it's real important never to judge anyone by how they look, always wait and see how they act!  Grandma gave me a new book to read today, The Incredible Journey.    It's all about these two dogs and one cat that get separated from their owners and make an incredible journey to find them.  She highly recommended it, so I'm gonna start reading it now. Bye.

 1-1-74 Tuesday

Happy New Year!  Boy, it sure is cold outside; there's ice on everything and it's truly beautiful.  We have electricity, luckily, 'cause on the news I heard that many homes don't have any.  It sure is tough walking up our hill with all the ice on the sidewalks.  Walter had to shovel the snow and put down salt for grandma's house and he wasn't happy about it.  I was just glad it wasn't me; I really don't like winter much at all. I love summer when it's hot, hot, hot.  During the winter, I'd rather stay inside where it's nice and warm. 

I'm really hoping that 1974 will be a better year for me and Karen.  She does look much better and even put on a few pounds!  Her hair is growing back too, but it's just like peach fuzz, it's so short. 

I go back to school tomorrow and Miss Gail will be coming to tutor Karen again.  I really do like Miss Gail, but I can't wait until Karen can come back to school with me.  I truly do miss walking to school with her, but I understand it would be real hard for her to walk to school in this type of weather.  I sure know that it's hard for me to walk to school in this weather and there's not anything wrong with me at all. 

Rev. Jobe said that I can be a member of the Methodist Youth Fellowship this year and they do a bunch of really neat things.  My first meeting will be next week and we'll meet at the church in a room behind the chapel.  We'll have Bible study and discussions and prayers, I think it'll be fun.  Well, there's not much going on 'cause it's just too cold, so bye for now.

 2-10-74 Sunday

Guess what?  I have a brand new hero - Billy Jack!  He is just so cool.  Rev. Jobe took the MYF to another church where there were a bunch of young people like me and that's where I saw the movie.  Billy Jack was half Indian and knew karate and he protected all kinds of kids who were being hurt by bad people.  Billy Jack had a girlfriend who ran a school for young people on an Indian reservation, called The Freedom School.  I wish I could go to that school 'cause it was really neat.  The most important thing at the school was expressing your truth in a way that didn't disrespect anyone else.  Kids played music, painted, sang songs, acted, you name it and they did it!  The town's people didn't like the school 'cause they thought the kids were hippies and they hated hippies and Indians.  I don't know any hippies or Indians, but I think I'd like them just fine.  When Billy Jack's girlfriend got raped by the son of the richest man in town, Billy Jack went and killed him with one blow right across the throat!  One day I want to learn karate, that way maybe I can defend people too, just like Billy Jack did.  In the end, Billy Jack had to surrender to the police and everyone stood up on both sides of the roadway when the police drove away with Billy Jack.  Everyone, the hippies and Indians put their fists up in the air, saluting him.  The movie then played this really special song, One Tin Soldier. It was the best movie I have ever seen, so far.  Rev. Jobe said there is another Billy Jack movie that we might get to see at another time.  Boy, I sure hope so.  I have a lot of girl hero's, like Helen Keller, Anne Sullivan-Macy, Billy Jean King and Nelly Bly, but this is the very first time that I wanted a man as a hero.  So many men in my life haven't really been hero material, but Billy Jack sure is the best kind of hero to have.  I've decided that one day I will most certainly learn karate, then I can't ever get raped again and I can protect Karen too!  That sounds like the best plan to me.  Bye for now.